My wife came home from a shower today with her family and when she came home she told me right off, "holy shit honey, you were all anyone was talking about at the shower".
I had no idea what the fuck she was talking about and in my experience being me, that shit could go either way. She proceeded to tell me about that anniversary party that I went to about a month ago that I had posted a pic from previously that I deleted with the 177 other posts. All the women in my wife's family that were at the shower and at that party were talking about how I was like someone they'd never met before. Friendly as hell, outgoing, dancing with the uncles' wives, talkative, not the usual more reserved (but still witty and engaging ;) ) person that I am known to be. In short, it seems I actually charmed their fucking pants off.
The reality?
Leading up to that party, for various reasons, I had spent all of 2012 training for an Olympic drinking contest. I think I had five or more beers before even walking in to that party and probably another six to eight while there. But spaced out properly, I can very easily keep my head and I remember having a very good time and apparently, that was not a false fuzzy memory. It's official, I was Prince Fucking Charming.
And I've been that guy all year. For Christ's sake, my very best female friend in the world wants us to be blood brother and sister!! I'm buying two very special knives for that occasion (if you don't know what I'm talking about, that last sentence is going to seem weird-sorry). It's been an amazing year so far.
Not only that, my wife is so hard in love with me at this moment that she could probably catch me fucking a dog in the ass and let me off with only a look. More in love with me now than I think ever and there was a time when I thought that could not be possible. I've been sending her texts at work every few days for the past month and a half or so that have been knocking her socks off and they're just nothing. This is a transcript of the entirety of the last one:
me: Girlie, you are so beautiful, I don't know how you keep the butterflies from landing on your face.
her: Awe (sic) honey, you actually brought a tear to my eye. I love you so much... I'm so lucky to have you.
me: :)
My wife told me that she showed that to her coworker and that girl gave my wife that awed-girl look and then HUGGED MY WIFE'S PHONE and she got a tear in her eye.
On top of all of that, the passion level has gone through the roof. Like, back to "just met" levels. You know what I'm talking about? That supreme "new" level that eventually dies or levels off after a period of time and then is completely buried by children. I've always been a very passionate person and my wife and I had a long-ass run, but time kind of smothers that even for the best of them. Somehow though, in all the haze of 2012, I have managed to do the impossible and bring it back full circle and bloom that shit like it's brand fucking new.
It is frightening me that "ideal me" is somewhere between regular me and a raging alcoholic leaning harder toward the raging alcoholic. I can't live like that. Despite my social improvements, this year has been a real motherfucker. Up until two weeks ago, no sleep, dramatic weight loss, dazed at work, suicidal, you know, full-blown crazy. But other than that, apparently, I've been a hell of a guy! The thing I have to do is maintain that social level and passion while not being the raging alcoholic that 2012 spawned.
It's rough being me... but I can't say it's not interesting. It's definitely an adventure. I just wish some of those adventures would be overwhelmingly positive for a change just lightly peppered with some humbling. I have enough character! I need joy! That would be fucking good... Joy!
1083,
thank you for some joy.
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