Search Results 2

   Today's search was for the answer to a question that many a man has pondered throughout history but lacked the resources to get an answer to. Prior to the internets, our research on today's question would probably have begun at say a mall, decided in a bar at 1:45 a.m. and finally answered while watching television alone later that night. 
Fortunately for us, the internet has a reach way beyond the confines of one's own neighborhood and is not solely limited to people that were fortunate enough to land a gig on a soap opera. With the internet, we can get an honest answer to an honest question.

   Without further adieu, today's search was for: The Most Beautiful Girl In The World

Put on your sunglasses now and brace yourself for the first result.

This is her;

behold

Unfortunately, I cannot tell you her name because any exploration of the page lasting longer than four seconds gets you a BIG ASS ad that you apparently cannot close. I guess displaying a picture of the most beautiful girl in the world gets you some serious net traffic so I reckon ads on any page containing this picture are to be expected, even COMPLETE PAGE OBSCURING UN-CLOSABLE ADS. I for one cannot wait for my windfall to begin. Oh joy!

To put Her Most Beautiful Highness in perspective here, let me tell you that coming in at first loser was none other than Megan Fox. That's right Megs (she tells me to call her that), you are numero deux (that was french and spanish (fuck you, I am Mr. Internationale)). Coming in at number four was someone named Ksenia Sukhinova. I do not know her, but in her picture she is holding a crown on her head so she must be royalty in some very windy country. 

Now, you may think that I am such a jaded prick that I posted what's-her-name's (Her Most Beautiful Highness) picture to make fun or some such shit and to that end, I would say that you don't know me at all. I am going to go ahead and whole heartedly suggest that it is not only possible that Her Most Beautiful Highness here is indeed the most beautiful girl in the world but that it is actually highly likely. 

For one thing, I have no idea who this person is and I would expect that to be the case because I, as a fucking shnook from the snotty brownstone suburbs of Pennsylvania exiled to South Jersey, would be the first to admit that I would not be worthy of even knowing the name of a person of such esteem. I am but a turd. I know who Megs is and if she were number one, I would not be worthy and would not know of her. So, that to me, is evidence that Her Most Beautiful Highness' most beautifulness might be genuine. 

    Further evidence? That big fucking ad that fantastically prevents me from knowing her name. Divine intervention? You betcha. I am scum. I am a piece of scum that grows on a turd that lies in a feted stagnant toilet full of more scum in an abandoned truckstop in Scummenfield NJ. I cannot know her name for if I did, it would taint her beauty. I need no further evidence.

Now, to those of you that may still think that my toadliness is setting Her Most Beautiful Highness up for degradation, prepare yourself for my points of agreement of her title based solely on this picture:

She's a regular girl.

She's not fancied up as true beauty doesn't need a paint job.

She seems comfortable in her own skin.

She looks like a very nice, like-able person (who knows though, right?)

She has warm, genuine eyes

You could probably afford to keep her for true beauty needs not opulence.

Anyway, anything more that I could say about this picture would be pure specualtion and probably start to get very creepy by about point number 34, so I'm just going to stop there and allow you to recalibrate your scales when weighing out the question of: The Most Beautiful Girl In The World.

Thank you: Google.