This Should Be Interesting

My first post on Craigslist has yielded only curious bass players:
BASS PLAYER WANTED
Me and my buddy jam on Saturdays in his basement/bar. I'm 45, play guitar, and he's an old fuck who plays the drums. I'm getting tired of having to carry the whole thing and we want to find someone who's bored who just wants to come over and have a few beers and play bass with us. We're just getting this shit off the ground and we just like playing. My buddy always wants to play Spanish ballads, but I don't and since I'm on the guitar, we play a lot of bluesy/rock stuff. We ain't looking for Les Claypool or nothing. We don't have dreams of stardom. We just jam and we need some mortar in the mix. Maybe we could play out sometime down the road, who knows, who cares? You do have to be nimble though, we want to write songs. As a bonus, if you ride a bike (not a bicycle), you may have just found yourself a whole lot of new friends. Anyway, if you think you fit the role and you aren't a prick, let me know. Put 'I'd like to jam with you two assholes' in the reply so I know you're not trying to sell me a Russian girlfriend. 


This is my second post:
Person Who Owns Bass Wanted
Looking for a bass player. Someone to just jam with. We are not a band. We just play and have a few brews on Saturday afternoons when we're not out riding. Actually, we don't give a shit if you just own a bass and are willing to drag it out of your house just to get away from your old lady. In fact, fuck you, I have a fucking bass and a fucking bass amp. Did you ever want to be a bass player? I will hook you up. Me and my buddy are looking for a third fucker to just come out and hold the fucking thing, look semi interested and hit an E or an A every so often. If you can swing a D in there, whoa. A B? WOW! Additionally, we are willing to artificially inflate your ego and provide beer so you believe it. Mid life crisis? Bring it. I'm 45. The drummer's a retired cop. We play in his lower level that he converted to a titty bar (not kidding (yeah, mirrors, lighting, pole, the whole bit)). I've been playing guitar for 35 years but I have low standards. Some of the greatest bands ever were started by people who didn't even own instruments when they started their bands. We are not one of those bands. Also, ladies, if you just have a nice rack and want to dance in Ray's bar, that's cool too. I have dollars. If you can play a bass and work the pole, I might just divorce my wife and marry you. And give you dollars. Seriously. Person with a bass. This is your fucking call. It's all about you, man. It's hero time. Be a hero. 
Put "I have a huge rack" in your response so I know you're for real. 


Pulled the ad, found somebody that quick!