Bad-O's Song of the Day - This Is Teh Sex

They Killed Off Opie

   Motherfucker. I'm never gonna watch this fucking show again. Opie? Really? Fuck you Kurt Sutter. Fuck you in the ass with the driest, pointiest, disease-ridden cactus that has spiders in it. I'm sure it plays to the story, but fucking A, I have been waiting all of these seasons for Opie to get justice for everything and you just took that from me.  For me, this was the series finale. Fuck you, Kurt Sutter.

fyi: When Opie shot Clay, I jumped out of my chair (no shit).

Bad O-s Song of the Day

The Tree I Call 'Satan's Asshole'...

...dropped another bomb in my backyard Saturday night. This time it was a nice hefty fifty-footer.

  So much for the swingset. I guess the forty foot rope swing will just have to do from now on. The branch feel from a tree in my backyard that I refer to as "Satan's Asshole". This mother fucker is always dropping giant loads in my yard. Behold, Satan's Asshole:

  Some people may get upset about having to deal with this kind of shit, but I actually don't mind it really. There are very few things in life that I can truly focus on and this is one of them. I really enjoy having to plot out the safest route through these "droppings" and the danger of it all really puts my brain on point. The cutting on the right of this last break in the above picture was a perfect example. I had to get up in that tree with my twenty-inch and cut down a fucking monster branch and second only to smashing my old Honda CRX head-on into a pole, it was one of the scariest things I've had to face. That one I landed perfectly and all the plotting and planning beforehand paid off and that moment when the branch let go was just a rush and when it didn't come back on me and kill me, just fantastic. The one to the right of that was a similar experience. So, it's all good I guess.

   This is me and my twenty yesterday, part way through clearing:

I am the Slayer of Satan's Asshole

This is two hours into the cutting (includes break-time);

Bad O's Song of the Day

Bad-O's Song of the Day

Bad-O's Song of the Day

I miss you so much. It was honestly real. Pain is what I feel longing for you.

Wish List

   I want an app for my Android that listens to surrounding conversation and if it hears the word "shark", I want it to scream like a B-movie bimbo.

Bad-O's Song of the Day

Bad-O's Song of the Day

Uncensored Tips for the Married and Involved

Guys, never ever ever ever point your asshole at your wife. Even if you are butt-ass naked in a room with your wife and drop a baby in a corner. Never point your hairy asshole at your wife, ever.

Ladies, if your man does laundry, never ever ever let him wash your panties. Y'all make fun of men's underwear, but trust me, yours are worse. Your man doesn't want to know all that shit. His vision of your beautiful ass in your panties should never be tainted by what he saw in the laundry. Keep it in a special laundry bag, tell him you have to use special settings and detergents, and wash them all yourself. 

You will thank me in twenty years.

Bad-O's Song of the Day

Bad-O's Song of the Day

Degenerated "Degenerated" by DR3G3N

Neighbors

   Man, i must be a hell of a guy. My neighbors called me over to give me a present and it ain't my birthday. Behold. And this ain't one of them halves that I buy, this is the big boy.
   Sometimes, it's not rough being me...

Bad-O's Song of the Day

O Lord Berta Berta O Lord gal oh-ah 
O Lord Berta Berta O Lord gal well

Go 'head marry don't you wait on me oh-ah 
Go 'head marry don't you wait on me well now 
Might not want you when I go free oh-ah 
Might not want you when I go free well now

O Lord Berta Berta O Lord gal oh-ah 
O Lord Berta Berta O Lord gal well now

Raise them up higher, let them drop on down oh-ah 
Raise them up higher, let them drop on down well now 
Don't know the difference when the sun go down oh-ah 
Don't know the difference when the sun go down well now

Berta in Meridian and she living at ease oh-ah 
Berta in Meridian and she living at ease well now 
I'm on old Parchman, got to work or leave oh-ah 
I'm on old Parchman, got to work or leave well now

O Lord Berta Berta O Lord gal oh-ah 
O Lord Berta Berta O Lord gal well now

When you marry, don't marry no farming man oh-ah 
When you marry, don't marry no farming man well now 
Everyday Monday, hoe handle in your hand oh-ah 
Everyday Monday, hoe handle in your hand well now

When you marry, marry a railroad man oh-ah 
When you marry, marry a railroad man well now 
Everyday Sunday, dollar in your hand oh-ah 
Everyday Sunday, dollar in your hand well now

O Lord Berta Berta O Lord gal oh-ah 
O Lord Berta Berta O Lord gal well

Bad-O's Song of the Day

22 and Group - Prettiest Train - YouTube

Sorry, embedding disabled on this one.

Pop English

   Today, Merriam Webster announced their annual picks for inclusion in the English language. Some of the new official words are "energy drink", "F-bomb", and "sexting". Thanks MW. Thanks for nothing.
  "F-bomb" is so old, that "fuck" is almost acceptable at this point. "Energy drink" is a marketing term, so who gives a shit, and "sexting" is a word that except for right here, I will never use because it's fucking retarded. When my wife asks what I am doing on my phone, I will continue to tell her "I'm deleting old contacts".
  I once sent MW a suggestion for a word. It was 'imjuqueritous' (I swear that is true).  I did it in the true fashion of word construction and I looked up Latin words defining various points of the definition. It took me quite some time to do. While the word is slightly cumbersome, it is a true word.
   "Imjuqueritous" was a word that I had to construct to describe a search for a thing that does not exist. Ironically, I was forced to do that because a word to describe such a thing also did not exist. So, I made it and I sent it to Websters. Sadly however, Merriam never contacted me regarding my new word and because of that, I cannot write them to tell them about my search for such a word because I have no word to describe my plight.
   I tell you what, It's rough being me.  

Bad-O's Song of the Day

Dave's Last Ride

That's Tom in the middle of the road there. Among all the bugs stuck on him and his bike today, he swears that someone wiped a boog on his side cover because "that ain't no dead bug, that's a fuckin' booger". Tom's a nut.

Didn't take many pics but it was a great day. I will miss you brother Dave. See you in six months.

Bad-O's Song of the Day

Bad-O's Song of the Day

This One's for You, Chuck... R.I.P.

   I just got back from Chuck's funeral. I'm not going to go on about how sad it was, or pontificate about life or anything like that. Instead, I would like to take this time to bitch at the youth of America.
   Because your fucking parents chose to raise you in a classless environment, I would like to smart little assholes up on having a little class.
#1. When picking out proper attire for a funeral, find like the third nicest thing you keep on your 'good' bar. If that third nicest thing has sequins, glitter, or has been bedazzled, just go straight to your nicest thing even if it's your fucking prom dress (assuming it's not "stained"). This is very important: NO FUCKING HOTPANTS. Who the fuck wears hotpants to a funeral? Nevermind, I already fucking know.
#2. DO NOT ARRANGE "Facebook Moments" with the twelve year old son of the deceased. It's not a fucking photo-op, you goddamn stupid twats, HIS FATHER IS DEAD IN A BOX IMMEDIATELY RIGHT BEHIND YOUR STUPID ASS. In fact, that last sentence is so literal, as you are taking a pic of his sister all smooshed up like a bar pic, and you are - I guess - trying to get him to say "cheese", directly to the left of YOUR ASSHOLE CAMERA AND SELF is his FATHER's FACE. In a BOX.
#3. How about you turn off your fucking phone? Nothing like that time that a Deacon is delivering a sincere, heart-felt eulogy and trying to bring comfort to the grieving and then suddenly, Lady Gaga or whatever nonsense you stupid peckerheads have on your stupid phone that is sounding out while your phone is ON AT A FUNERAL. Assholes.
   I think 92% of this state is populated by outhouse debutantes and their offspring that they probably should have hosed off the bottom of their shoes. No fucking class.
   My funeral is going to Black-Tie-Only enforced by a bouncer who will (upon everyone exiting) punch the face of anyone whose cellphone rang during the ceremony.


Peace to you Chuck, we'll do our bit to watch out for your old lady and your boys.

Bad-O's Song of the Day

Today is August 3rd

Today is August 3rd, but you all might know it better as National Watermelon Day. I didn't know that until about thirty-seven seconds ago. So, in celebration of this wonderful wonderful holiday (I can't believe I didn't have off today) and presently being sans wife and kids, I am going to go to the store and buy a watermelon and make sweet sweet love to it. Happy National Watermelon Day!

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