I read a story in the "news" today that Gwyneth Paltrow is taking some shit for posting a pic of herself with Jay Z and Beyonce with the caption "Niggas in paris for real". This tweet has officially moved Gwyneth Paltrow out of first place on my personal "Whitest White Woman on the Planet" list and into second. I would like to congratulate Queen Elizabeth for her new number one status.
I have a friend who has been telling me all along that Gwyneth Paltrow was Equinsu Ocha. My friend, Daruka Patel, has been insisting for years that he was in a club in NYC and he bumped into Gwyneth at the bar and she said "hey fuck you you chink bitch gook". Daruka also told me that after he informed her that he was Indian, she patted her hand on her mouth, went "woo woo woo woo woo", did like a rain dance and then kicked a dwarf square in the nuts. He said she also did the Zena-yell and ate a shot-glass.
I never believed him until now.
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