Bad-O's Song of the Day

Happy Halloween!

Bad-O's Song of the Day

You can't go wrong sampling the Band of Gypsys.

Bad-O's Song of the Day

  Things have been weird lately and I've been lacking. Not that anyone gives a shit, but just in case someone would like to hear a really fucking cool song right now, here it is...

Carlisle Ride

   Tried to go to Carlisle today. Had to wait forever for Ray. In retrospect, we should'a just left without him. He would have been pissed, but at least he wouldn't have blacked out from low blood sugar doing 70 on the Pa Turnpike and hit the guardrail. He broke both legs and his wrist and his old lady got road rash so bad (even on her face) that they put her in the burn unit. But they both lived and that's good.

Wouldn't be the "Harley experience" without mechanical difficulties.

Jay using the "facilities". Fuck you, oncoming traffic slowing down for the toll booth!

Yours Truly

This Is Real Life (update)

I Do Love a C Note

Bad-O's Song of the Day

This Is Real Life (update 2)

   Aaron is coherent. Can't eat though. Too much damage to his neck.

Bad-O's Song of the Day

This is Real Life (update)

  My phone rang tonight and was Joe. He's the dude on the right in the picture below. I was kind of shitting my pants when I saw his face come up on my phone and I swiped my finger across the screen. Only one reason Joe'd be calling me at this time of night - Aaron.

  "Please don't let him be dead, please don't let him be dead, please don't let him be dead..."

  Good news. They're pulling the feeding tube out of his nose tomorrow. Throat doctor's going to check for damage to see if he is able to eat. He's semi-coherent.
   Hopefully he'll recover and come out a wiser man.

This Is Real Life

   I found out last night that my good friend and riding bud - Aaron (aka: Squirrel, aka: Zyrex), hung himself last week. A week and a half ago, he left his wife and went to South Carolina. At some point, while there, he got into it with her on the phone and he told her he was coming back up here to Philly to kill her. He got in his car and started heading north and she called the police.
   By tracking his phone they started to close in on him and by the time he got up to Maryland, he got wise and pulled the battery out of his phone, but by then they caught up to him. He was fucked up when they got him and they were almost forced to shoot him.
   I always knew he's kinda nuts and shit doesn't roll off his back like other people. He takes alot of real seriously petty shit that others ignore as a personal affront He'd hate people's guts that he's known for years over some trivial shit that you honestly cannot believe got lodged in his ass.
   Well, he must have had his Superloon outfit on when they caught him in Maryland because they had him committed. While in there, he hung himself.
    They cut him down and got him in ICU and eventually he started breathing on his own, so they took him off life-support. But the period of time his brain went without oxygen has most likely left him a fucking vegetable for the rest of his life. He is now a 'ward of the state' of Maryland.
   If he ever does get his mind back, he'll be facing three judges in three states for making terroristic threats across state lines. But, more likely, he is now and for the rest of his life, a vegetable.
   All-in-all, given the nature of what might have gone down, this is probably the best outcome than if he would have actually made it up here. Either way though, I lost a friend. A crazy friend, but a friend just the same.

These are a few years old and I don't feel like looking for the newer ones, but he's the one in the blue shirt. 

Bad-O's Song of the Day

It Might Be Working

  Somehow, my daughter got on the topic of how she was being raised. It wasn't negative, and she had a positive outlook on it all about how she was turning out (she's 14). I asked her in front of my wife and my wife's sister, "what's the most important thing to me about you and your sister?". She said, "that we don't grow up to be stupid".
A+

Bad-O's Song of the Day

Last Minute Romeo

I bought this card an hour ago...

...Melts your heart, doesn't it?

Happy Valentine's Day!

Oh, and yes, I know, "the" is on there twice. Can't scribble on a love message.

Bad-O's Song of the Day

Bad-O's Song of the Day

Marketing

  Today, my awesome assistant - Jackie Attackie - got a newsletter from a seafood news resource and in it was an article about a Norwegian ad campaign available on Youtube. Jackie Attackie can't watch vids on youtube because a security camera points right at her computer. I - on the other hand - do not have one pointing at mine. With that, me and J.A. were presented with a commercial the likes that I have never seen or could have ever even imagined.
   It occurred to the both of us (Jackie has a bachelor's in marketing) right away that this campaign was pitched in a boardroom, probably alongside other ideas that somehow proved inferior to this one. It was approved, choreographed (yes, I said "choreographed" about a seafood commercial), auditioned, cast, filmed, re-approved, and released.
  Personally, I would kill to see the ideas that were rejected if this is the one that they went with. And they shot several of these. However, I am only going to post one. Oddly enough, if I heard Jackie right, the article claims that this campaign has been successful which may be true as even I find myself writing about it.
   I, for one, am extremely surprised by this as this commercial has every single thing on Earth that I hate the very most all crammed into forty-nine seconds.

Everything In The World That I Hate (a list);

1. Interpretive Dance
2. Jazz
3. Dudes with beards in orange satin leotards
4. Feet

      Despite all of these elements contained in such a short time-span as if a personal things-I-hate-concentrate, I am finding myself watching it and also thinking that tonight, I'm ordering Tekka Maki. Of course that could be all that acid I did when I was nineteen and twenty coming back around on me...

   Whatever the case may be, I present you the most bizarre advertisement ever in the history of advertising. Behold, The Human Sushi:

   There's two more if you somehow weren't able to finish yourself off in 49 seconds...

2012 Poker Run

Scanned. I'm the asshole in the back right. Nobody is safe.

Harassment Seminar

   Today at work, it was "Harassment Training Seminar Day". It was an hour long meeting for us managers about what in the workplace can be construed as harassment and what we -as managers - are required to do about it.
   For me and a few others in the room, it was a refresher from the course that we took five years ago. In the spirit of knowing that today was Harassment Training Seminar Day, we've had quite a ball in the days leading up to it as after today, we would magically grow vaginas and start watching Lifetime. Maybe swap recipes for sugar cookies and braid each others' hair - in a sexually non-threatening way of course, using salad-tongs instead of hands.
   I get very very angry after these seminars. Not because I deny the existence of legitimate harassment. Not because I am pro-(legitimate) harassment. Not because I am sexist or racist and want to continue being my racist sexist self. Nope, none of that shit or any other myriad of shitty reasons to get angry about "defined workplace harassment". I get angry about what constitutes workplace harassment and what my liabilities are as a manager.

What Can Be Construed as Harassment?

1. Everything.

   examples: 

                   "Fuck you, you piece of shit pencil-dick!"

                   "Can't we get a negro to do this?"

                   "This is so easy, a woman could do it!"

                   " Hey Darlene, wanna help me break in my new desk?"

                   "This place looks like a dump, can we get a couple of homos in here to remodel?"

                   "Wow, NICE PENIS!"

                   "First three of you to suck my cock will still have a job Monday"

                   "Ching-chow oooowaahh dow chi yu dahh!!" 

                   "All the fish-cutters probably know karate, so don''t fuck with them"

                   "Did you hear Howard Stern this morning?"

                   " Fuck, I just smashed my thumb with a hammer"

                   "Hey Hiram, any plans for Passover?"

                   "You look nice today"

                   "Wanna have lunch with me?"

                   "Merry Christmas, everybody"

                     

What Are Your Managerial Responsibilities?

1. Report Everything to Human Resources.

   As a manager, it has been told to us by our lawyer that everything must be reported to Human Resources. I work in South Philly. Busting balls is how everyone blows off steam. The freezer guys bend over to pick up a box, they're getting humped. The old guys get the old-jokes, the woman in the thigh-high boots is getting it, the young guys are getting it, the black guys are getting it, the Chinese guys are getting it, EVERYBODY GETS THEIR BALLS BUSTED. Not in a mean way. In fact, exactly the opposite. Busting balls is a sign of endearment where I work. If nobody busts your balls, nobody likes you. It's that fucking simple. Shit, we had two Mohammed's at work some time ago, both drivers. One was "black Mohammed" and the other was "terrorist Mohammed". It's how we knew which Mo anyone was talking about. They both were absolutely fine with that. Wasn't meant maliciously and they knew it and they were cool with it.

   Managerially (fuck you spell-check, it's a word) speaking, I am required to report all of this. That being the case, I may as well have an elevator from my desk up to HR. 

   It really puts a manager in a bind because we all know what constitutes actual harassment. Actual harassment was when one of the floor managers was following my assistant home and constantly begging her to fuck him. Actual harassment was when one of our sales guys was verbally giving my other assistant The Continental treatment out on the dock. 

   Both of them told me about those experiences and when they did, I took that shit very seriously. I asked them both in a serious managerial tone, "are you telling me this officially and need me to handle this, because I will". Both said no, they can handle it and they did and it went no further. As a manager, I was fully prepared to take both of their complaints directly to the PTB because both claims were ACTUAL HARASSMENT. Everyone knows the difference between everyday harmless bullshit and actual full-frontal harassment. 

   The problem is the cash-grabbers that construe everything as harassment so that they can sue and that is the reason that the term "harassment" is a giant grey cloud that anyone can inadvertently find themselves in.  You can be having average days at work and then suddenly you're a defendant in the middle of a multi-million dollar lawsuit because "you did nothing".  That's quite a fucking load on your shoulders, you know?

   One of the examples in the Power Point presentation went something like this: "Mary went to Paul's desk to get a report because Paul was off that day and while she was at his desk, she noticed that he had a racy cartoon pinned up on his cubicle out of sight where no one could ever see it unless they were seated at his desk". "Is it harassment?"

    The answer was (you guessed it) "yes". Why? The lawyer explained that it's mere presence there and the fact that it could be found - no matter where it was - was sufficient grounds to constitute a harassing environment.  

    With that, I think it's time to bring my dick into the conversation. Fact is, I bring MY DICK into work EVERY FUCKING DAY. I'm not showing it to you, but if you go looking for it... well, you're gonna find it. Does the presence of MY DICK in MY PANTS constitute a harassing environment? By definition, I would have to say that it does. If I start talking to the person next to me at the pisser and he looks over and sees my dick, am I harassing him? I think so. I should probably be dealt with. 

    A judge was quoted in our presentation as saying "Harassment is in the eye of the beholder". 

  To that judge I say, "Behold, my dick..."

                       

Bad-O's Song of the Day

Did You Ever Get The Feeling...

...that saying the wrong thing would have disastrous consequences? This is about the third time I've had similar conversations with this kid. You meet all kinds of people on the internet. I'm not going to lead anyone's thinking on the following despite what happened today in Connecticut.
  This is an actual conversation I had just about an hour ago and I didn't bother to change any names. I am particularly bothered by the fact that I feel like I'm in a "blue wire, red wire" situation. Every time I talk to this kid, I feel like if I fuck up, it will be a colossal fuck up. Although I feel I am able to keep it contained as I have been there and I can relate and I know what to say, I really don't like being in this situation.
   Anyway, if anyone reads my bullshit, this isn't bullshit and I would appreciate any input. The following is 100% real and unedited.


Never tell your password to anyone.

[VLR] connor: hey grim
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: wattup
[VLR] connor: nothing really i jsut got off l4d2 cause i got this girl telling me to shut up
[VLR] connor: and the other team get lucky break unlike us
[VLR] connor: how u been?
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: well, you can be a tad chatty sometimes
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: i've been good
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: you?
[VLR] connor: even my parent's admit that but what do u except i have no social life
[VLR] connor: only games, i try not to be annoying or play with anyone just bbe by myself forever
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: yeah, i used to have none either
[VLR] connor: no one excepts me for who i am, no one helps me out
[VLR] connor: u know what that's like right
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: yup
[VLR] connor: gives u the feeling u don't want to live anymore
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: what the fuck did i tell you about that shit before?
[VLR] connor: all i wanted was friends, i've lost trying to get what is not posssible, i only want respect now
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: don't make fucking life decisions based on your teenage years
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: being a teenager blows
[VLR] connor: espically one who only has games and music to cheer him up
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: I only had music
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: at least you have games.
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: there was no internets when I was a teenager
[VLR] connor: sorry man
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: not your fault, you weren't alive to invent it for me
[VLR] connor: i just wish life was good at one point you think by now i'd be giving some respect
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: nah. not when you're a teenager
[VLR] connor: makes u want to idk gdo something great to get attention
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: i assume that by "something great" you mean cure cancer or some shit
[VLR] connor: mabye go to that kindergarden school and kill or capture those killers
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: that fucker's already dead. Those pricks always off themselves.
[VLR] connor: idk but when i heard about it i got mad like the feeling that u want to go punch him in the gut
[VLR] connor: i though there was 2
[VLR] connor: one's dead and the other is catured
[VLR] connor: captured
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: You know, last weekend I went to Philabundance to go pack up food for poor people. You ever think about doing some nice shit for people?
[VLR] connor: i have i've donated canned foods at my school
[VLR] connor: was gonna bring some toys in but didn't have enough time
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: No, that's bush-league
[VLR] connor: u mean actually walk to a poor person and give them something they don't have>
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: I'm talking about finding a place (like Philabundance) and going there and packing up food or something. Get to meet people, feel good about yourself... you know, shit like that.
[VLR] connor: i know what your talking about
[VLR] connor: no i've never done that but sometimes i wish i will
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: Thanksgiving I went to Camden NJ to the mission over there and helped restock the shelves while the poor folks came through to get food.
[VLR] connor: somebody's got a good heart
[VLR] connor: i wish it were that simple though
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: Get to meet all kinds of people who also help out, see people worse off than yourself.
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: You know?
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: It's just a thought
[VLR] connor: i would like to help others but how from my standpoint?
[VLR] connor: i got no car, no job to buy anything and give it tho them nothing
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: THem bits I did didn't cost me shit except my time.
[VLR] connor: so it was alrdy there u just gave it to them?
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: The Camden bit I do every Thanksgiving week and I go through my wife's church. I don't go to church, but she has me hooked up.
[VLR] connor: yeah i'm pretty bad about going to church 2
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: Last weekend it was at Philabundance's warehouse, there was a shitload of people there,
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: If you can find some way to do it, there's always people willing to give a ride.
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: Turn that negative energy into something fucking productive
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: just a thought
[VLR] connor: how i'm just a teen i can't do anything right now?
[VLR] connor: if anything i have to relie on my parnets
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: So, find something local and go do it and get 'em to drop you off.
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: Do something positive
[VLR] connor: i'll think about it
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: Good
[VLR] connor: if i can't be accepted by anyone at least i can do good
[VLR] connor: and earn my way into heaven if possible
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: exactly
[VLR] connor: i should stop caring about what others think of me anyways
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: You go do good shit and you'll be amazed who respects you
[VLR] connor: that's nice to hear
[VLR] connor: thanks for the info
[VLR] connor: good conversation
[VLR] connor: i'll see what i can do to make a difference
(SGS MC) The Grim Retard: I hope so. Much better than sitting around being a fucking mope
[VLR] connor: true
[VLR] connor is now Away.

Bad-O's Song of the Day

Bad-O's Song of the Day